News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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