went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
