sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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