She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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