i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
