I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
