Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
