i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I CAN MOONWALK!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
