fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
