Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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