so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
