i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
