I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
