My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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