My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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