Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
