Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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