took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
