I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
