well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
