Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
