were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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