We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
