My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
