no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
