I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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