"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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