Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
