Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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