I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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