So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
