A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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