i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Are we still banned from the library?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
