i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
