I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
