Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
