well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
