College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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