i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
