I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
