Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
