im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
