Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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