She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
