I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
