If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
