i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
