Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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