So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
