69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Drunk is not a location!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
