1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize