it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
