Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
