Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
