I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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