I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
