He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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