she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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