I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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