Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There's always time for handjobs
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
They have beer where we have blood.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
