the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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