Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
