we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
