Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
