good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
