sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize