Plan B is the new Plan A
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
