Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
