It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
