I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
