I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
