Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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