guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
