I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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