I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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